Dearest GameStop Girl,
When I walked into your store that fateful Tuesday, I expected only to
find a smattering of half-decent titles tucked back there amongst the
used 360 games. Instead I found you, surrounded by a beam of light,
halfway between Assassin's Creed and Call of Duty 3. Your gorgeous dark
hair was radiant in contrast with the rainbow of colors on the deluxe
Bioshock behind you. The Game of the Year held no interest for me when
I saw you look up and smile, even though both could hold me in Rapture.
You commanded the register when it was my turn to check out with
the Orange Box. Yes, I was finally getting to play Portal. Lucky me,
you said with the cutest smile. Lucky me, I thought, and then knew you
had the Portal to my heart. I could care less if the cake is a lie, I'd
still want to share it with you.
Oh GameStop Girl, how you make my heart meter skip a beat. If you
were being held captive in a mountain fortress by a ruthless mutant
mafia gangboss and I had to fight my way through 16 levels of
fire-breathing undead ninjas with swords the size of small ponies, I
would find a way, even if, after every level, a small man continued to
taunt me by saying that you were in another castle. EVEN IF.
So, yes, GameStop Girl, I want to kill robotic zombie terrorists
with you. You can even have the deluxe shotgun with explosive
scattershot. I'll just use this knife over here. I'll do anything for
you, just for the small, slightest chance that someday - someday - you
and me could be a Wii.